Mar 24 2007
Tagged, “things that should not surprise anyone, but probably will.”
Colt CCO has tagged me (among others) in this post, his list was entertaining and I doubt I’ll top it being in the midst of a comfortable post-nightshift, pre-sleep drowsiness, but I’ll give it a try none the less:
- The longer the movie title, the worse the film is doomed to be. “Zombie Ninja Attack Droids of the 5th Dimension” has no chance of a real commercial success, and will magically appear in the “new releases” section of your local video store, only to quietly disappear shortly thereafter before briefly reappearing in the “previously viewed” uber-sale bin weeks later, where it will languish indefinately until someone like me appears and plunks down $4.17 for it (which is about $4.16 more than it is worth).
- You are not as brilliant as you think - Hiding your key under that rock, floormat or on the top of the door frame is not a new, cunning and unique plan beyond the wiles of the average criminal to figure out. Also included in this list is using your address, last four digits of your phone number and/or the luggage code (1234) for your alarm system. These are not critical items of course, as the bad guy will likely just kick in the door anyway, but lets make it a little harder for them, shall we?
- Slower traffic keep RIGHT ’nuff said.
- Light timers do not actually fool thieves - They’re thieves not infants. Typically they’ll just walk up and ring your doorbell to see if you are home, if the lights continue to turn on and off and there’s no answer at the door, no movement and your mail is piling up, they’re probably going to put two and two together and come up with your television. Finally, store no valuables in your underwear/sock drawer or on the shelf in your closet. Likely the first places the burglar looks when tossing your house.
- Never, ever, no matter how much he begs or pleads, never let the Unicorn drive - Too difficult to explain, but solid advice none the less.
Ok… I’m going to sleep now.
Hey you forgot some of my favorite Erik Lines:
“If you have to tell me you’re famous, you’re realy not.”
“If what you say is true,I still don’t give a damb.”
“What a f@cking muppet.”
There’s a few more, but, you get the point.
Never, ever, no matter how much he begs or pleads, never let the Unicorn drive
Somewhere, Darren B just had a cold shudder.
I’m not surprised that you left out the bit of wisdom that made high fives and handshakes out of fashion in the Mighty P: “You know, sometimes, you just have to go and spooge a bucketful”
It’s not quite the same, but my favorite Erikism is:
“Listen lady, do I come to where you work and knock the dick outof your mouth?”
“People are stupid.”
“Life sucks.”
I learned those from Erik. You have to say those with a certain energy not to sound as defeatist as they seem.
Piet: Hehe… granted, those are some of my favorite sayings but not quite the self evident truisms we were going for here.
Greg: Oh jebus… I’d forgotten all about the spugisms. A mental picture I can do without.
Theodore: Technically, my quote was “Look lady, do I show up while you’re working and jump up and down on the end of the bed?”. It was Mike who let fly with the rather more direct quote. An interesting comparison of Ingerman/Onyszczak genetics and sarcasm could be made as a result of this, but it could just be a matter of age, and the fact that I rely on the old HR defence “Really? I must have been taken out of context.“.
Mike: -GRIN-