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“House of the Dead II” (2005) directed by Michael Hurst.
(Proposed Title: “Revenge of the Phi-Beta-Kappa zombies”)
Starring Emmanuelle Vaugier, Ed Quinn, Sticky Fingaz, Steve Monroe and Victoria Pratt.
Zombie Film Rating:

Teaser: One professors experiments with reanimation have resulted in the infection of the entire Cuesta Verde University campus. An elite government squad is dispatched to infiltrate the campus, identify the origins of the outbreak and obtain a sample so that an anti-virus can be produced.

Despite this films significant shortcomings, Uwe Boll was nowhere near the production, so it still ranks as an improvement over the original “House of the dead” (not a stellar achievement in and of itself however).

Plot Summary: Professor Curien has been experimenting with reanimation of the dead. Seeking another test subject he hits a distraught sorority member with his car, clubs her then throws her in the trunk before returning to his laboratory. Once at the lab he injects her with an experimental formula and then turns his back on the corpse long enough to be attacked, and infected by her. This is the origin of the outbreak.

A caption flashes across the screen telling us that 29 days has elapsed since the incident in Professor Curiens lab. We’re now introduced to Alexandra who is on a blind date with Jake at a generic upscale restaurant. While enjoying their meal the chef is attacked by what appears to be a homeless man in the alley. He becomes sick immediately, and in turn infects the waiter. Fortunately for the patrons of the restaurant, we learn that Alexandra is employed by AMS and earns her living killing zombies.

We’re taken now to AMS headquarters where Lieutenant Jake Ellis and Dr. Alexandra Morgan are briefed about an outbreak at the Cuesta Verde University campus. They’re told that they must go in, with special forces troops, to obtain a blood sample from a first generation specimen before 0700hrs when cruise missiles will destroy the entire campus to prevent the media from getting wind of the outbreak (A university whipped out by cruise missiles should hardly warrant a headline, right?)

Two minutes after arriving on campus one of the soldiers gets bitten by a zombie while mixing it up in a little hand-to-hand combat. A short standoff occurs while the AMS members debate the Special Forces on the effects of a zombie bite. Not surprisingly the SF trooper turns moments later, and immediately infects the team’s medic. Both are killed by Jake Ellis. The team, now suffering an average of one fatality for each minute they are on campus, proceeds towards their loosely defined objective.

The team, naturally, splits up and begins a random search of the campus. Team One breaks off to search the residences and suffers another casualty Lieutenant Bart, this time at the hands of a mosquito that is carrying the virus. Team Two (which includes the AMS members) begins a cursory search of the common areas, and soon is afflicted with horror movie cliche #274 (members wandering off on their own and getting dead’ish) before finding a cage filled with zombies in the underground tunnels. This discovery heralds the end of the last two uniformed members of this team, and Dr. Morgan and Lieutenant Ellis have to continue the mission on their own.

Morgan and Ellis discover Dr. Curiens lab, where two students have been holed up (for a month with no food or water?). The students (Loni and Sarah) were teaching assistants for Dr. Curien, and explain that Curiens son Rudy, and his girlfriend came back from the Isle of Muerte. Rudys girlfriend was infected and killed Rudy, but the doctor kept her in his lab using her blood as the basis for his studies.

Naturally as the AMS team members struggle to get a blood sample from “Zombie Zero” zombies spill into the lab and begin enjoying a TA buffet. Ellis and Morgan escape the lab, and find themselves in a campus now positively swarming with zombies. The timely arrival of Lieutenant Allison Henson and the AMS van saves them, but costs them the prized blood sample.

Henson, Ellis and Morgan decide they must return to the lab and obtain another blood sample, before the missiles destroy the campus and their sole chance at creating a cure for the zombie virus. After fighting their way through a zombie football team, they find themselves stranded in a locker room. Ellis comes up with the plan to cover himself in zombie entrails, so that he can walk among the zombies without their noticing him. Despite only a casual earlier reference to zombies using their sense of smell the plan works, and the team find themselves back in the lab.

Henson is bitten by one of the zombified teaching assistants, and falls by the wayside as Ellis and Morgan race against the clock to get their sample and flee the campus. Ellis escapes the science building just as the missiles strike, and makes his way back to the AMS van when he is confronted by Lieutenant Bart who wants the “Zombie Zero” sample for his own profit (and survival). Ellis is saved by the last minute arrival of Morgan, who shoots Bart.

As Morgan and Ellis return to the city the radio plays news reports of a massive spread of the infection, and the ineffectual government response.

Quotes:

• Jake Lancaster: “So what do you really do for a living?”
  Alexandra Morgan: “I kill zombies.“
• Alexandra Morgan: “It’s no different from whooping cough, or small pox. Really it’s just a matter of innoculating people against it. If we’re lucky the zombie plague will end up as a footnote in the history books, no worse than AIDs or Bubonic plague.”
• Sgt. Dalton: “Yeah well, we all lose people…”
  Dr. Alexandra Morgan: “Yeah but your people don’t usually get back up and take a bite out of you after they die.“
• Dr. Alexndra Morgan: “What do we do?”
  Lieutenant Jake Ellis: “The only thing we can do, run like hell.“

Critique: This film represents a significant improvement over the original, although that is likely due simply to the absence of Uwe Boll from any element of the production. That said it represents a satisfactory zombie movie only to those that are new to the genre.

While the pacing, effects, acting and editing are entirely adequate (and indeed better than more low budget entries) the plot suffers from numerous and critical flaws that all but scream out for clarification. We’re told the initial outbreak took place on the university campus 29 days prior to the events detailed in the bulk of the movie. The infection is particularly virulent, with those exposed rising moments later and yet in one month only a few zombies manage to wander off campus? Once again the “special forces” team sent in demonstrates an almost comedic lack of awareness of their surroundings, and the members drop with an almost predictable cadence.

These shortcomings aside, the movie is mildly entertaining and certainly represents a better effort than its predecessor even attempted.

The Final Word: Glossy but lacking substance. Occasionally entertaining but cliche ridden. Give it a viewing, but don’t expect too much from it.

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