I’m thinking about picking up a Springfield GI 1911A1 in the near future, although i want a 1911 with a little more bling.

Before anybody things that us mobile guys are closet nudists, security companies issue cheap, silly looking, useless uniforms. My personal favorite “I tell while it on the rack you don’t have any in my size” is a tie between the “airline pilot” black epaulettes on white shirts and the famed grey “Shiny, Happy People Pants”. As time goes on, mobile drivers add non-issue kit to delete some of the more painful issued stuff. The first one is almost always the black commando sweater with company flashes on the arms. They are stock and make you less of a numpty-looking mofo. This also eliminates both horror of the uniform shirt, it also gets rid of the need to wear the uniform jacket. These jackets range from the merely unobtrusive(Props to the original Mighty P patrol bombers. Good, warm, functional and rated to stop and retain exactly 10 liters of rainfall, then dump that water onto the wearer)to the painful(The first time I was on the 6 o’clock news, I looked like a giant traffic cone).

Then the uniform pants are replaced with a more comfort fitted cargo pant variant, often with the explanation that “Boss, I’m in and out of the patrol car, running, moving around more than the guys who watch a desk, I need a looser fit with larger pockets. You were out in the field too*, you know how it is*.”. The fact that since Tim Hortons has drive thrus, you don’t get in or out of that car, nor would you run if you did, is irrelevant.

Issued hats, which never look good, are simply dispensed with, by force if required. If headgear is required, plain, unadorned black balaclavas rolled up are for the winter and plain, unadorned black ball caps for all other purposes.

*As Erik will provide an affidavit on, all managers should use me using this phrase as a warning sign. Me acknowledging and even obliquely respecting that the boss has any kind of useful perspective is usally a good indication that I’m neck deep into my latest efforts at a coup d’etat. Well, that’s not true either: None of my coup attempts are bloodless.

-GRIN-

Dad: Are you SURE?