May 24 2005
Please, convert me….
“Why do you like guns?”
I’m asked this question often, and it usually serves as the opening move in yet another effort to demonstrate to me the folly of my ways and to bring me back from the brink of becoming a warmongering savage.
As a veteran of these mini-debates I usually give the stock answer “I collect historically significant firearms and I take part in competitive shooting.” It’s a cop out answer, but it narrows the lines of attack for the most recent hoplophobe who’s decided to take a crack at a poor uneducated gun nut. The conversation usually slides downhill pretty fast from here, with all sorts of assertions that our society has no “need” for private firearms ownership (I didn’t realize that we were required to establish a need for personal property or possessions here), that my firearms represent a threat to the peace and security of our society (despite the fact that so far crime has managed just fine without my firearms), and that we’d all be better off if guns were magically removed from the face of the planet (I agree…but as they’re just working on taking my firearms away, not the criminals I’ll withold my support at this time).
I’ve inflicted this kind of punishment on myself for some time, call it a sort of masochistic missionary work. The truth is, the only people I’ve brought into the world of firearms already wanted in. I’ve yet to convince one dedicated “anti” that I am not a smouldering psycho waiting for a chance to climb a bell tower at the earliest opportunity.
I can’t help but wonder at the pyschological reasons that these people hate and fear firearms. The kindest reason I can come up with is ignorance.
14 Responses to “Please, convert me….”
It might not help “The Cause” but I simply answer those subtle accusations with harsh sarcasm. If they’re not going to try and listen to me, I make it clear there’s no point trying, so shut up and leave me to my “How to Murder Your Co-Workers in the Bloodiest Way Possible” books.
I have access to a much better vantage point than any old bell tower! All kidding aside, why don’t these folks go after drinking drivers with the same vitrol? A lot more people get maimed or killed in this country by DD’s than by firearms. Deal with the big problems first (unless you’re WCB, then go ape on everything at once).
Ok sorry to post semi-off-topic, but since you’re talking guns and shooting stuff, and you DO have the anti-zombie rifle section, it’s semi-on-topic.
Erik, sir, I have four words for you:
LAND… OF… THE… DEAD.
George Romero is back. Look it up. I freaked out when i saw that as a preview at the theatre
Graham: Hehe, no kidding… I s’pose if I ever was to go “postal” I’d buy a bow and arrows and use them, might as well be some irony in the event.
Elaine: Hey! Long time no see…
The post got lost with one of the crashes, but I actually had the good fortune to get a set tour of “Land of the dead” and met Romero himself a while back (Yep, Land of the dead was filmed in Toronto).
You KNOW I am sitting here counting down the days until I get to see this.
-GRIN-
It’s pretty weird when the knobs in a company like Brinks think I’M a little off for having so many firearms. Then again, it might’ve been ’cause I was mocking their little issue .38 Specials.
No wonder they don’t allow guard staff to carry their own toys.
Yep, from my vantage point all I really need is buckets of flechettes. Use a big slingshot to get fist-sized bundles moving outward from the side of the building, maybe get the odd one all the way to Broadway. The only noise would be the screams of the survivors.
How can you tell my day has had a few frustrations? A little darkness…
On a lighter note, did you notice that the season finale of “Alias” was a zombie flick? Think about it. Zombies in network prime time!
E-gad! Gasp! You like GUNS!?!?! How could you… you, you psychopath!!!
Then again, maybe it’s people like you that make criminals think twice before making an attempt at your life for certain monetary or physical gains.
I’ve just ordered myself the closest thing to a C7 I can get. Unfortunately, I’ll have to put up a few guns on Gunnutz. It’s a necessary evil.
Patrick: Hehe… reminds me of the time I was cleaning my SKS at a security desk at an unamed hospital and Churchill Armored forced the doors open again…
Graham: Talk about giving something back to the community….
-GRIN-
Derek: I feel your pain. I sold off three SKSs to fund my AR15 build. Still feel a slight twinge of regret, right up until I’m popping rounds downrange with the AR.
What’r you getting?
Mines a Oly arms (forged) lower, with Diemaco A1 upper and post-ban 20″ 1/7 twist, collapsable stock and assorted internals. All thats left is to send it off and get the Flash hider installed and it’s pretty much exactly what I wanted in an AR.
Hey, at least we can qualify as “back-up.”
Picture this for a scenario:
An unnamed armored car arrives at the front door of an unnamed hospital.
Just as the Messenger comes out of the armored car - with pouches of cash for the ATM in the lobby, an ambulance squeals in to the driveway and swerves to a SCREECHING stop in front the armored car.
There is MUFFLED BANGING from within the ambulance - obvious signs of a struggle.
The portly Driver of the armored car looks up from his clipboard - a questioning look in his eye. He glances at his right-side rearview mirror and sees the Messenger peering from the rear towards the ambulance cautiously.
Just as the Driver resumes his examination of the clipboard, the bloody face of a paramedic is slammed against the vertical rear window slits of the ambulance. The Driver is visibly startled.
The Messenger hears the THUD and clumsily draws his pea-shooter (.38 Special). Taking a deep breath, he begins his approach.
Glancing at the rear-view mirror again, the Driver sees the messenger - with sidearm drawn, advancing along the side of the armored car towards the ambulance.
Meanwhile…
Inside the unnamed hospital within the Security Office, ERIK is cleaning his SKS, a brass scrub brush clutched in his hand as he teases the remaining cosmoline from within the the recesses of the trigger assembly.
Nearby sit several fully loaded stripper clips.
As he progresses through the mundane exercise of cleaning every nook and cranny of his “gun,” he happens to glance at one of the monitors displaying the POV of the exterior Front Driveway surveillance cameras. He notices the actions of the armored car guards as well as the rocking motions of the ambulance they’re approaching.
He frantically re-assembles the SKS, pocketing several of the fully loaded magazines as he ducks behind his desk.
FREEZE-FRAME as Erik glances out the window of his office while loading a fresh magazine.
TEXT-DISPLAYING:
“The Estonian Liberation Front need you!!! And You, and You and You!!!
“Please rely on us for all your Zombie Liquidation Needs!!!”
-GRIN-
Patrick, thanks for lightening my morning here. That was a genuinely entertaining read!
Land of the dead was filmed in Toronto…
Too many jokes…must release from head…
Grin
Estonian Liberation Front? ELF? Hey, when we’re not making toys, we’re organizing coups and anti-zombie actions!
Thanks Mon,
If you thought that little blurb was entertaining, you can only imagine how the rest of the story would play out.
I’ve actually been thinking about the scenario for some time. I think it all started a few years ago when you and I were discussing how we would “harden up” the BCCA if we ever found ourselves stranded and surrounded by hostiles in a survival situation. Kinda like in the “Night of the Living Dead” but on a slightly larger scale.
Ah, good times….
Don’t seem to have many conversations like that anymore. Things seem a lot less surreal these days (for better or worse, I’m inclined to say worse), and things lack the “devil may care, watch movies on the big screen, race over to health center to pick up dinner, redefine my perimeter as suits me” manner…
I guess your new family anchors you to reality more than you realize eh?
You miss “Dinner fron the Health Center” and I miss preparing it there.
As you said “Ah, good times!”