Dec 13 2004
Movie: “The Zombie Chronicles” (2001)
“The Zombie Chronicles” (2001) Directed by Brad Sykes.
(MF Title: “Zombie anecdotes is more accurate…..”)
Starring: Emmy Smith, Garrett Clancy, Beverly Lynne, Mike Coen and Janet Tracy.
Zombie Film Rating: 
Overview: A reporter travels to the middle of nowhere in search of rumours of supernatural events in a small town. While searching for the town she runs over an old drunkard, and he tells her all about the strange goings-on in this area.
Summary: Our film opens with a woman wandering around the countryside in her nightgown. Her stroll is interupted by zombies bursting through the floor of an abandoned building, and as she is dragged down she wakes up, having fallen asleep in her SUV. We discover that she is a reporter in search of a story about supernatural goings on in a small rural town, unfortunately she is unable to read her map and has become lost. Luckily she runs over the town drunk, and he offers to let her in on the local deep dark secrets.
Of course he and the journalist settle in at the same abandoned building featured in the dream, and the drunk tells the journalist two stories….
The first story is about a husband and wife driving through this area, their vehicle malfunctions and the husband reveals this was his last duty station before his release from the army. He knows a shortcut to a small service station, and leaves his wife with the vehicle while he jogs through the woods to get some help.
Naturally local ruffians (where the hell did these idiots come from?) arrive to torment the wife, and she follows her husband into the woods. She is almost immediately grabbed by some unknown presence and tied to a tree, with generic pseudo-explosives wrapped around her.
When her husband finds her in this predicament a voice in the bushes orders him to do PT, then reveals itself to be the ghost/reanimated corpes of a soldier he had exercised to death years before.
Of course the plot twist is that the ghost/reanimated corpse is really just the wifes lover, and this was a plot to scare the husband to death. As the wife and the lover leave the woods, they are attacked and killed by the true zombified corpse of the dead soldier.
Right……
The next story (there are only two thankfully) is about 3 kids on a camping trip to the middle of nowhere. It’s a boyfriend, girlfriend and “third wheel” friend.
They’ve decided to camp and in the wildneress, and while hunting for the “perfect” campsite they happen across a graveyard, pausing to urinate on the grave of a long-expired outlaw (one who specifically threatened to come back from the grave should anyone urinate on his grave).
Naturally they are haunted by some young girl that sprints past them and giggles, and later by the corpes of the dead urine hating outlaw. Their fate sealed they are killed one by one.
Critique: Holy crap… this film is amazingly bad. The film quality changes with alarming regularity (from light to dark, and then to a pseudo 3D effect), even for a zombie film this movies plot was shaky at the best of times.
The bonus feature of this DVD release is Side “b” includes the 3D version of the film, of course no 3D glasses are included, so the thing just looks bleary.
This film is not recommended unless you are completely desperate to see a zombie movie immediately, and this movie happens to be the only one available.