Jan 15 2005
Death to SPAM!
I hate SPAM.
My online existence has been plagued by idiots seeking to increase their ranking at the expense of useability and functionality. It fills my email inbox, it fills my unmoderated comments page here on the blog, it drags me to websites that have nothing to do with what I was searching for in the hopes that I will suddenly find a need for a cheaper source of viagra, penile growth serum or online gambling.
I have committed far too much time to spam. Not only does it not add to my quality of life, it wastes my time and expends my limited online resources (During the tail end of my use of MoveableType I was spending approximately 30-45 minutes a day just clearing spam comments, and attempting to ban IPs and tweak my anti-spam settings). It is irritating, invasive and it angers me more than a little.
As a therapeutic exercise I decided to take my vengeance on the only physical SPAM object I could find. For the princely sum of $2.49 I transported a can of spam to the middle of nowhere and executed it. It was offered no blindfold or last cigarette. I fired a single round into that can of evil, then three more into its prone form.
The results were less than dramatic, as it turns out a can of spam offers no ballistic protection what so ever. A small hole (approximately .30 inches in diameter) where the bullet went in, a small hole (roughly the same size as the opposite hole), and a small meat tunnel through the can.
It felt good. This Spam, at least, will bother me no more.
8 Responses to “Death to SPAM!”
OK, the can of SPAM cost you $2.49, but how much did the 900 rounds you needed to fire to actually hit it cost?
Ahem…. 4 rounds in total… it was only 50 yards Greg, seriously.
-GRIN-
Hey Mon, they allow you to execute meat by-products out at the range you go to?! You should try shooting at those small cans of “meat” that look and taste like devilled ham. They’re smaller targets and if you hit them just right, the pull off lid will blow off.
I don’t think theres a policy specifically directed at meat products. I’ve seen more than a few unofficial targets at the range, and have always gone by the assumption that theres no objection providing its A. Safe, and B. Cleaned up when you’re finished.
Seemed fairly harmless….not like it’s gonna cause a ricochet.
I love it! Only wish the “real” spam was as easy to “kill”
Some spammer has been spoofing my domain as return address on a buncha drug spam. Bad enough getting the spam in the first place, getting all those “bounce” messages, as well messages from the idiots who’ve set their mail servers up for “spam rejection” messages has been flooding my inbox
I say, “Take ‘em out in the parking lot and piss on ‘em!”
I’ve been fortunate since the crash… the spambots are still attacking the site based on MT settings (I’m sure the wordpress spam will arrive shortly, but the lull is nice), and I killed off a few of my generic email addresses (including my primary moral-flexibility.net account) and am no longer receiving any email spam (for now).
I do wish the results had been a little more dramatic, maybe next time I’ll shoot a can of spam with 1oz slugs from the mossberg, I’m certain the can will not even resemble a can after that.
The problem is all the force just blew the lid off like Patrick mentioned with that ham. It certainly made for a cool splash when you hit it, though.
The Mossberg is great!! I used ours on a few 4 Litre milk jugs out at PoCo with OO shot. Made a hell of a splash!! Just wish I’d remembered to bring out the DV Camcorder. Maybe next time.